Could I marry Cliff Richard?

One of the many treats in my Radio Luxembourg Book of Record Stars from 1962 is this article from Cliff written on the set of Summer Holiday – “The girl that I marry” – in which he describes the lady who will sweep the Bachelor Boy off his feet. Fifty years later, said girl has still not been found.

Maybe it’s because he hasn’t met me yet! 

“The smart Alecs can make all the cracks they like, but the girl for me would be just the sort my mother has said all along would be the right sort.”  

So let’s see if I meet Mr Richard’s (and his mum’s) criteria for the perfect woman.

1. Looks

“I’m not saying that prettiness doesn’t count, but I took a research poll among teen-age boys. Forty-five per cent of them rated a physically attractive, good-looking girl as  ‘ very desirable’. At the same time, forty-nine per cent also said that prettiness is only  ‘somewhat desirable’ in the girl they hope to marry. 

Me, I’m in the  ‘only somewhat desirable’ category, because I never forget the saying –  ‘All that glitters is not gold...’”

This bodes well. Firstly, while on a good day and in good light I’m ok, if appearance were his main concern he might look elsewhere. Secondly, I think surveying your friends shows an inquiring mind and a scientific bent, which are very attractive traits for a potential husband.  

So far so good.

2. Style

“Girls who wear excessive make-up, too-short shorts, or too revealing fashions get critically slammed by boys who don’t mind looking at such girls, but wouldn’t dream of marrying one of them.”  

You can’t say that Cliff doesn’t understand the male psyche. Brother speaks the truth!

“These criticisms take in over-bleached hair, ridiculous hair styles, mile-long fingernails, and too much theatrical eye shadow.”

Hmmm. I wouldn’t call my eye shadow “theatrical”, so that’s ok, and my hair is its natural colour. But I do like a short skirt (my legs are my best feature). Maybe if I try to just cover up a bit more? Easily fixed.

3. Behaviour

“For someone in my line of business, it would be important to have a wife who is a good mixer socially.”

Another point to me! Yes, I am chatty and like meeting new people. I’d surely get on with all his celebrity friends.

“I can’t stand girls who smoke too much, drink too much, and use bad language. Too often a girl is smart intellectually, and yet stupid socially.”

I don’t smoke, so that’s good, and only really swear when quoting Tarantino films. But I do like a tipple on occasion. How much is too much, Cliff? Do you follow the Government’s recommendation of 14 units a week?

“I can’t stand a girl who looks and acts too loud in public.”

Oh dear. Oh deary, deary dear. I don’t think this is going to work out. I am nothing if not loud in public – bright colours and lots of noise. Is it a deal breaker?

4. Skills

“I want a wife who knows how to cook and keep house, more than just a popularity queen. Any boy who says domestication is of no importance wants his brains tested.”

Back on track. I’m sure Cliff would love my cooking. And I technically know how to keep house, I just don’t do it very much. Tick! Tick!

5. Career 

“A career-type of wife wouldn’t interest me in the least. The girl I marry must want a normal family life with children.”

Fallen at the final hurdle! I would be a career-type of wife. My job gives me self-esteem, social interaction and my own money. Don’t you understand that? Why do you want to keep me in a gilded cage? Why? Why?

Conclusion

So maybe I won’t be Mrs Cliff Richard. How about you? Do you have subdued make up and no personal goals? If so, look him up. I think he lives in Portugal with a friend.